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Wednesday, June 15, 2016

It's Been a While...

Today I came to my blog to look for some pictures I had of Alexandra's memory box. I read through some old posts, cried a bit, thought a bit, and considered what I would say today to all the people who read my blog during the darkest moments of my life.
It has been a while since I came to this place and I don't really know why. I have continued to do what I can do within the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Program in Calgary, I have continued to celebrate Alexandra's memory.
This April we held our last annual Celebrating Alexandra fundraiser. It had grown difficult for me to continue holding public events to celebrate Alexandra's birthday when my heart was telling me that it was time to celebrate privately. So, we switched up our entire event, we created an amazing day of healing. We held activities throughout the day from drumming, to jewelry making, to yoga, fitness, reiki, and mindfulness, all in the hopes that we could bring peace to just a few people. The event wasn't well attended, our lowest turnout to date, in fact. But the people that were there, they left with smiles on their faces, and I think a little bit more peace in their hearts, and so, we were successful.
It's not the end for us though, I just wanted to take a step back, work on something that would help families, but not be so incredibly tied to my heart. So, I jumped head on into working on a fundraiser for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. And it's going to be huge, so I'm really excited. I feel like this will be a new beginning, a new chance to share Alexandra's memory with the world, while helping other families to do the same with their children.
What would I say to those people that read so many years ago, and those people that are reading now, is this - I have found this peaceful calm within myself that I didn't know existed. I thank Alexandra for that. I am thankful that she taught me to appreciate every single moment, to be aware that we just don't know what will happen next, so we must be grateful for every breath, every flower, every incredible moment of our lives. I miss Alexandra every day, I think about her every single day, and I am now, more than ever, aware of the incredible gifts that she has given me, especially the ability to know my own strength and keep moving forward, no matter what.
So, it does get does. It is not an easy road, but through it all, if you are kind to yourself, you will get there, you really will. And even if you don't believe it right now, it will happen. <3 p="">